Your anxiety is data-driven, personalized, and optimized for maximum engagement. The algorithm knows exactly what keeps you up at night and serves it to you in an endless scroll of existential dread.
For people whose mental health is sponsored by targeted content. Now in wearable form.
Who This Is For: Doom scrollers with curated anxiety feeds, people whose FYP is 90% crisis content, overthinkers who let the algorithm pick their spiral topics, anyone targeted by ads for therapy apps (the algorithm sees you), and the "one more scroll" crowd making it a lifestyle. Perfect for wearing your extremely online energy in public, coffee shop work sessions, or explaining to people what "algorithmically" means.
Design Details: Clean minimalist typography with "ALGORITHMICALLY" in all caps paired with "anxious" in flowing script. Subtle binary code swirl pattern in the background adds depth and reinforces the digital/tech theme. The design is smart, understated, and devastatingly accurate. Simple enough to be wearable, specific enough to be instantly relatable to fellow algorithm victims.
Quality & Comfort:
- Premium 100% ring-spun cotton (153 g/m² lightweight fabric)
- Ultra-soft feel - softer than your algorithm-curated safe space
- Tubular knit construction with no side seams (smooth like your infinite scroll)
- Pearlized tear-away label because sensory issues + anxiety is a combo
- Ribbed collar that keeps its shape (unlike your sleep schedule)
- Classic crew neck and versatile fit
- Runs true to size
Printing & Durability: High-quality DTG printing ensures crisp text and delicate binary details stay sharp. The irony of printing "algorithmically anxious" in high definition is not lost on us. Oeko-Tex certified and ethically sourced cotton.
Sizing Guide: Unisex sizing available in XS-3XL. All sizes same price - because your anxiety level shouldn't cost you more. Check our size chart for exact measurements.
Care Instructions:
- Machine wash cold with similar colors (other digitally anxious garments)
- Tumble dry on low heat
- Do not bleach - the anxiety is permanent enough
- Iron on low heat (avoid direct contact with print)
- Do not dry clean
Perfect Gift For: Chronically online friends, doom scrollers who need validation, people with digital anxiety, social media addicts with self-awareness, overthinkers whose anxiety is app-specific, anyone who's ever gotten therapy app ads that felt too targeted, or yourself because at least you're funny about it.
The Reality: For when your anxiety isn't random - it's been carefully calculated by an AI trained on your browsing history. Wear this as a conversation starter or a warning label. Either works. The binary swirl is a visual representation of your data being processed into personalized panic.
About Cult Studios: Part of our digital culture collection - designs for the extremely online, the perpetually anxious, and everyone who understands that the algorithm is both the problem and the solution (it's definitely the problem).
| |
S |
M |
L |
XL |
2XL |
3XL |
| Width, in |
18.00 |
20.00 |
22.00 |
24.00 |
26.00 |
28.00 |
| Length, in |
28.00 |
29.00 |
30.00 |
31.00 |
32.00 |
33.00 |
| Sleeve length, in |
8.23 |
8.50 |
8.74 |
9.02 |
9.25 |
9.49 |
| Size tolerance, in |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
